Hari ini Idul Fitri. And for the first time in forever, I’ll be celebrating it alone, which means I won’t go anywhere and have free meals today 😅
I kind of “had just realized it” and it makes me a bit sad, so I watched Crazy Rich Asian. Why? Because I shared this screenshot with a friend yesterday so when I looked for something to distract my feeling I just searched for it.
Choosing this movie is a mistake, I think. This movie celebrates (and criticizes) family and tradition and I’m currently longing for it. Really bad choice.
But of course, I had watched the movie, I know how it goes, how it ends, so my mind wandered.
Lebaran, bagi saya, adalah momen datang ke rumah nenek dan deal with boredom for the whole day. Keluarga saya hampir selalu datang paling pertama dan pulang paling terakhir. I think my father was one of her favorite kids (if not the most), which kind of made me one of her favorite grandchildren (again, I think, dengan penuh ke-geer-an).
My family didn’t go with I-love-yous, we went with be-proud-with-the-kids-behind-their-backs-but-awfully-tough-in-the-front which unfortunately left some bad memories in my life. There are some that I wish I can completely forget and move on.
But, I will never forget how proud my grandmother was every time I brought my school report at the end of semester, how she lit up when I was accepted at one of the best universities in Indonesia, how she kind of started “internal family war” because she bought me the nicest scientific calculator and most advanced translator thingy and didn’t do that for other kids, how she always asked, “what do you want me to cook for you” when we’re going to visit her.
Same goes with my father. I remember clearly how he looked sad (I think) when I first went to a boarding school and then he hugged me, how when I called him after I got accepted in the uni, he answered really calmly, but then he forgot that the phone is still connected when he shout proudly to his friends, “anak gue keterima di ITB, di Turki, sama di Amerika!” (humble brag, sekarang mah otaknya sudah melempem, astaghfirullah)
I’m a parent now. I make mistakes, lots and lots and lots of mistakes, I really really really wish my kids can forget most of the mistakes that I made and continue being the sincere and genuine humans like they are now.
Looking back at my own mistakes, I realized, how my grandmother treated me, how my father treated me, how I treated my kids, sometimes it’s because that’s the only way we know how.
Oh, that’s the only way they know how.
Especially them, that’s the only way they know how.
Nggak mudah ya ternyata untuk bisa berangkat dari satu telur dadar dibagi delapan sampai bisa nyekolahin anak ke luar negeri (iya, banyak keberuntungan, pinjam sana sini, uluran tangan kiri kanan – don’t make it any less of an achievement, I think). Sekarang saya sangat clueless harus ngajarin anak-anak apa dan bagaimana.
The only way they know how.
I think accepting this, accepting that some times people don’t see any other options (if you’re a believer of there’s always other options, it’s ok, it’s right, but doesn’t mean that other people can see it) can help us forgive, or at least bisa ngebantu buat bisa, ya udah lah, wayahna weh, sak karepmu!
Some times people don’t know any other way – bisa jadi ngebully teman di sekolah, mungkin karena di rumah begitu caranya dapat perhatian, atau yang cemen macam bocah-bocah malah pada ngeledekin orang yang disuka, bukannya ngasih perhatian yang bener 🙈
Kadang apa yang kita pikir adalah yang terbaik, bukanlah pilihan yang benar.
Ya begitu lah hidup.
Oooo apa yang terjadi.. terjadilah
Yang dia tahu Tuhan penyayang umatnya
Oooo apa yang terjadi.. terjadilah
Yang dia tahu hanyalah menyambung nyawa
Ini lagi ngomongin apa sih.. hahahaha.
Selamat Idul Fitri semuanya!
Alhamdulillah saya punya dendeng dan gulai kikil di sini 😁